but alas, in the world of coaching, interruption may be a very useful and necessary skill to use. That's right, I wrote "skill"! It is important for mentors, and of course coaches, to know that interrupting a protege or client is beneficial to facilitate the learner's growth.
In the book Mentor, Daloz interrupts his students on several occasions when they seemed to get lost in their own thoughts or are unable to make sense of their direction. The reason interrupting is important is that the coach or mentor is often able to observe and recognize the client's desired direction before the client can. While it may sound strange and feel awkward at times for the coach, it is crucial for mentors to express what they are observing at key moments in order to facilitate the client's growth. Sometimes we, as students (and yes, I am a lifelong learner and will always call myself a student of some form of study or another), are so lost in our own thoughts we have a hard time being jolted from them. A strategically-placed interruption is often a respite from our whirlwind thoughts, providing momentary clarity and the opportunity to come back into the present moment.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
When to ask the Who's, What's, When's and Where's
An important skill for coaches and mentors to develop is knowing the appropriate time to ask the appropriate questions to facilitate growth in a client or protege. The complexity of this skill, referred to as probing questioning, is marked by the complex differences between every individual.
Daloz illustrates his ability to ask strategically-selected probing questions in every story he shares. As he recaps where each of his students are in their transformational journey in education, it is clear he is aware of students' confusion or discomfort, regardless of whether the student is. Daloz takes risks by asking questions that may cause the student further discomfort, knowing that the goal is to foster the student's individual growth.
Daloz demonstrates that questioning is never the same for any two conversations. He also eloquently asks the questions in the form of dialogue and not of interrogation. In much the same way, a coach must know when to acknowledge that a client may need to look at a subject in a new way. Oftentimes the simplest questions can hold the most insight for us. This stems from the fact that we, as students or clients, are often so close to our daily lives, so entrenched in the rigors and immersed in the routines, that we have difficulty stepping outside of it to see the bigger picture. It is often by way of an outside source that we can be asked the simple "Who, what, whens and wheres" that open our eyes. One of the simplest, but most eye-opening questions a coach asked me when I first began my coaching certification was, "What does success look like for you?"
Have you ever been asked a question that instantly changed the way you looked at a problem? Please feel free to share!
Daloz illustrates his ability to ask strategically-selected probing questions in every story he shares. As he recaps where each of his students are in their transformational journey in education, it is clear he is aware of students' confusion or discomfort, regardless of whether the student is. Daloz takes risks by asking questions that may cause the student further discomfort, knowing that the goal is to foster the student's individual growth.
Daloz demonstrates that questioning is never the same for any two conversations. He also eloquently asks the questions in the form of dialogue and not of interrogation. In much the same way, a coach must know when to acknowledge that a client may need to look at a subject in a new way. Oftentimes the simplest questions can hold the most insight for us. This stems from the fact that we, as students or clients, are often so close to our daily lives, so entrenched in the rigors and immersed in the routines, that we have difficulty stepping outside of it to see the bigger picture. It is often by way of an outside source that we can be asked the simple "Who, what, whens and wheres" that open our eyes. One of the simplest, but most eye-opening questions a coach asked me when I first began my coaching certification was, "What does success look like for you?"
Have you ever been asked a question that instantly changed the way you looked at a problem? Please feel free to share!
Monday, July 13, 2009
I hear you, but what did you say?
Have you ever spoken to someone who said one thing, but you sensed was feeling a completely different way? When people speak, are you really listening?
Daloz demonstrates numerous occasions of this skill, referred to in coaching as active listening. This means listening at a deeper level than just the words our ears hear. In person, he has the ability to observe body language as well as the tone or hesitation in his protege's voice. Because coaching is typically conducted over the phone, there lacks the ability to pick up on nonverbal cues. Nevertheless, coaches are practiced in sensing what a person is saying beyond the words that are spoken. A subtle quiver in the voice or hesitation can say a lot more than just the words. Coaches are trained to pick up on the natural energy a person unconsciously exhibits when speaking of a matter that he or she is passionate about. To me, Daloz is a coach because he lets us, the readers, in on the cues he picks up on. Additionally, he doesn't let these cues pass by unnoticed because if he did, there would be no transformation in his students. In one particular conversation, Daloz speaks to a young woman who is uncomfortable with a class that challenges her belief system. She answers questions Daloz asks (that are designed to make her think more about her beliefs) with responses about the teacher's style of instruction. Daloz notices that this student is not used to expressing how she feels and in turn responds to probing questions by talking about the teacher. It takes a very trained ear to be able to hear what is just under the surface or what may be buried below our insecurities.
Some people are naturally better at active listening. If you've ever had your "gut" tell you something, you know what active listening feels like. It is a sense or feeling that many call a "gut feeling" or that women sometimes refer to as "women's intuition". If you struggle with being able to "read" people, think about it another way. Have you ever said something but deep down felt completely different? Perhaps at a work function you feel anxious and nervous, but you try to mask your jitters with a smile and firm handshake, or instead trying to be strong for a friend who needs support even though you are worried for or about them.
What has active listening been like for you? What did that gut feeling actually feel like for you?
Daloz demonstrates numerous occasions of this skill, referred to in coaching as active listening. This means listening at a deeper level than just the words our ears hear. In person, he has the ability to observe body language as well as the tone or hesitation in his protege's voice. Because coaching is typically conducted over the phone, there lacks the ability to pick up on nonverbal cues. Nevertheless, coaches are practiced in sensing what a person is saying beyond the words that are spoken. A subtle quiver in the voice or hesitation can say a lot more than just the words. Coaches are trained to pick up on the natural energy a person unconsciously exhibits when speaking of a matter that he or she is passionate about. To me, Daloz is a coach because he lets us, the readers, in on the cues he picks up on. Additionally, he doesn't let these cues pass by unnoticed because if he did, there would be no transformation in his students. In one particular conversation, Daloz speaks to a young woman who is uncomfortable with a class that challenges her belief system. She answers questions Daloz asks (that are designed to make her think more about her beliefs) with responses about the teacher's style of instruction. Daloz notices that this student is not used to expressing how she feels and in turn responds to probing questions by talking about the teacher. It takes a very trained ear to be able to hear what is just under the surface or what may be buried below our insecurities.
Some people are naturally better at active listening. If you've ever had your "gut" tell you something, you know what active listening feels like. It is a sense or feeling that many call a "gut feeling" or that women sometimes refer to as "women's intuition". If you struggle with being able to "read" people, think about it another way. Have you ever said something but deep down felt completely different? Perhaps at a work function you feel anxious and nervous, but you try to mask your jitters with a smile and firm handshake, or instead trying to be strong for a friend who needs support even though you are worried for or about them.
What has active listening been like for you? What did that gut feeling actually feel like for you?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Mentor, Laurent Daloz - Summarized
For those readers interested in reading Mentor for themselves, I think it is best for me to write a brief summary of the text itself.
Daloz writes the book in an informal dialogue that is inviting to anyone who has advised someone else or gone through any real change themselves. The book initially provides a synopsis of what a mentor is historically through the use of biblical, mythological and personal references. He proceeds to bring current theories of adult education to life through personal accounts of his experiences mentoring students. Daloz demonstrates a remarkable ability to understand the needs of his students that I imagine is the result of years worth of practice.
The book is presented in such a way that it guides the reader along a journey similar to one his clients taken as it is broken into an introduction, an investigation of all paths (theories of adult education) and a resolution of sorts.
I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about change. I do not feel it matters whether the reader is the mentor or protege. It illustrates changes that we undergo and may be completely unaware of and helps to make sense of the necessary journeys that we all go through as we pursue our own personal educational and professional goals.
Daloz writes the book in an informal dialogue that is inviting to anyone who has advised someone else or gone through any real change themselves. The book initially provides a synopsis of what a mentor is historically through the use of biblical, mythological and personal references. He proceeds to bring current theories of adult education to life through personal accounts of his experiences mentoring students. Daloz demonstrates a remarkable ability to understand the needs of his students that I imagine is the result of years worth of practice.
The book is presented in such a way that it guides the reader along a journey similar to one his clients taken as it is broken into an introduction, an investigation of all paths (theories of adult education) and a resolution of sorts.
I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about change. I do not feel it matters whether the reader is the mentor or protege. It illustrates changes that we undergo and may be completely unaware of and helps to make sense of the necessary journeys that we all go through as we pursue our own personal educational and professional goals.
Mentor, Laurent Daloz - My Overall Analysis and Thoughts to Provoke Discussion
As I mentioned in my very first blog post, I will be utilizing the the book Mentor (1999) by Laurent A. Daloz to analyze the similarities and differences between mentors and career coaches. It is important first to discuss the book itself, the theories it is founded in and the context from which it was written. I found the foreword of the book particularly significant for such clarification as it discusses the fact that the term mentor is not clearly defined or altogether fully understood, as is often the case for career coaches. Ironically, this lack of one true definition is also evident in the field of adult education. To develop a book on what could be deemed as too obscure a topic is certainly not an easy feat; Daloz, however, developed an eloquent story with grace and fluidity.
Daloz led me on a journey much like those he describes of his students, while he served as their mentor. Daloz utilized examples from mythology and religion as well as personal accounts from his mentees to bring theories of adult education alive. As I have found in other great books on the subject of leadership and facilitating growth among others, Daloz places the student at the heart of all interaction. The teacher/mentor/coach is nothing without a student/mentee/client. Additionally, I was struck by thoughts Daloz outlined that were similar to my own line of thinking: We as facilitators of others' growth, should not put our own personal preferences and ideologies first. Instead, we must analyze what perspectives or theories in adult education the student/client is operating within and how to either work within those means or offer a new frame of reference. Doing either requires us as facilitators to first understand what the goal of that student/client is!
It may be evident from my writing that the heart of the entire book is the belief in the student's pursuit of a transformational learning experience. Much like career coaching, individuals are expected to undergo a journey that begins with the mentor and ends with the student feeling transformed or empowered to move forward with newly-found strength.
Daloz's language exhibited very little evidence of judgment of his students. As I have read textbooks that often present one theory as superior over all others or that present a dichotomy that labels certain worldviews as more correct or more right than others, I was pleased to read a book that presented a non-biased account.
With this analysis in mind, I will post a series of follow-up blog posts that will utilize Mentor as the foundation for further questions and thoughts. As I post future blogs, I will highlight a number of topics that are found within Daloz's book and that relate to career coaching. I will demonstrate the various differences and similarities between the two approaches for each topic.
I encourage you to join me in this journey as I discuss Mentor further over the coming weeks. I invite you to envision yourself as my client at the precipice of a change or transformation that you want for yourself, ready to achieve a goal you are working hard for, or staring in the face of a fear that downright scares you. As students in this exercise, feel free to engage in conversation about what the strategies/topics I highlight may or may not do to accommodate your very own transformation.
Daloz led me on a journey much like those he describes of his students, while he served as their mentor. Daloz utilized examples from mythology and religion as well as personal accounts from his mentees to bring theories of adult education alive. As I have found in other great books on the subject of leadership and facilitating growth among others, Daloz places the student at the heart of all interaction. The teacher/mentor/coach is nothing without a student/mentee/client. Additionally, I was struck by thoughts Daloz outlined that were similar to my own line of thinking: We as facilitators of others' growth, should not put our own personal preferences and ideologies first. Instead, we must analyze what perspectives or theories in adult education the student/client is operating within and how to either work within those means or offer a new frame of reference. Doing either requires us as facilitators to first understand what the goal of that student/client is!
It may be evident from my writing that the heart of the entire book is the belief in the student's pursuit of a transformational learning experience. Much like career coaching, individuals are expected to undergo a journey that begins with the mentor and ends with the student feeling transformed or empowered to move forward with newly-found strength.
Daloz's language exhibited very little evidence of judgment of his students. As I have read textbooks that often present one theory as superior over all others or that present a dichotomy that labels certain worldviews as more correct or more right than others, I was pleased to read a book that presented a non-biased account.
With this analysis in mind, I will post a series of follow-up blog posts that will utilize Mentor as the foundation for further questions and thoughts. As I post future blogs, I will highlight a number of topics that are found within Daloz's book and that relate to career coaching. I will demonstrate the various differences and similarities between the two approaches for each topic.
I encourage you to join me in this journey as I discuss Mentor further over the coming weeks. I invite you to envision yourself as my client at the precipice of a change or transformation that you want for yourself, ready to achieve a goal you are working hard for, or staring in the face of a fear that downright scares you. As students in this exercise, feel free to engage in conversation about what the strategies/topics I highlight may or may not do to accommodate your very own transformation.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
168 hours
While reading a portion of the book "Values-based Financial Planning" by Bill Bachrach, I was struck by the following quote:
"There are only 168 hours in a week, no matter your age, how much money you make, what you've invested, how attractive you are, or how much information you can access on the Internet. No exemptions. Your quality of life is a function of how you chose to spend that time."
Wow. This quote struck me because it articulates how fleeting time truly is. As a coach, I personally wear many hats. I myself struggle with those 168 hours per week. How I spend my time directly impacts my feelings throughout the week. In addition to meeting with clients, fellow coaches and altogether new people (the part of the job I love) I need to budget, blog, organize, read current trends and topics, study up on the practice of coaching, market the business, and do the nitty-gritty details expected of an entrepreneur. I enjoy this life, and it certainly can easily fill all 168 hours of my week.
In addition, I want to find time to spend with my family and friends and squeeze in a little relaxation. It can seem, at times, that the "me" in my week somehow seems less important than other matters. As a coach, I am continually discussing these 168 hours with clients. My clients come to me because all too often, their 168 hours have morphed into 52 weeks or 5 years of forgetting to make "me" time.
What can happen in these instances is that the lose sight of our goals, their passion and what makes them happy. I aim to refocus the direction of my clients by starting with the next 24 hours...I invite my clients to spend a moment with me placing themselves first. I am honored to spend a few moments, precious moments, looking at a subject they have overlooked: themselves.
After a long period of time forgetting to listen to that "gut feeling" it can take time to retrain yourself to tune back in. I encourage all of you to spend just 10 minutes of the next 24 hours experiencing an exercise I share with my clients. Take 10minutes to think about what you want.
What are your goals?
What do you want to accomplish in the next 24 hours...
just 24 hours...
start small.
What would achieving this goal do for you today and tomorrow?
Give yourself time and pace yourself. 10 minutes out of 168 hours this week doesn't seem so selfish, does it?
"There are only 168 hours in a week, no matter your age, how much money you make, what you've invested, how attractive you are, or how much information you can access on the Internet. No exemptions. Your quality of life is a function of how you chose to spend that time."
Wow. This quote struck me because it articulates how fleeting time truly is. As a coach, I personally wear many hats. I myself struggle with those 168 hours per week. How I spend my time directly impacts my feelings throughout the week. In addition to meeting with clients, fellow coaches and altogether new people (the part of the job I love) I need to budget, blog, organize, read current trends and topics, study up on the practice of coaching, market the business, and do the nitty-gritty details expected of an entrepreneur. I enjoy this life, and it certainly can easily fill all 168 hours of my week.
In addition, I want to find time to spend with my family and friends and squeeze in a little relaxation. It can seem, at times, that the "me" in my week somehow seems less important than other matters. As a coach, I am continually discussing these 168 hours with clients. My clients come to me because all too often, their 168 hours have morphed into 52 weeks or 5 years of forgetting to make "me" time.
What can happen in these instances is that the lose sight of our goals, their passion and what makes them happy. I aim to refocus the direction of my clients by starting with the next 24 hours...I invite my clients to spend a moment with me placing themselves first. I am honored to spend a few moments, precious moments, looking at a subject they have overlooked: themselves.
After a long period of time forgetting to listen to that "gut feeling" it can take time to retrain yourself to tune back in. I encourage all of you to spend just 10 minutes of the next 24 hours experiencing an exercise I share with my clients. Take 10minutes to think about what you want.
What are your goals?
What do you want to accomplish in the next 24 hours...
just 24 hours...
start small.
What would achieving this goal do for you today and tomorrow?
Give yourself time and pace yourself. 10 minutes out of 168 hours this week doesn't seem so selfish, does it?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I'm a coach......so what?
I am often asked, "What does a career coach do?"
I use this question as the foundation for my first blog post and a series of others that will follow. Using the text "Mentor" as the foundation for my introduction into the blogosphere, I will investigate the differences and similarities between coaching and mentoring in an attempt to better define my role in aiding my fellow spouses in finding fulfilling careers. Essentially, I believe that a coach is more of a facilitator or guide for others than a mentor to others. While some of the principles of being an effective mentor are certainly applicable to career coaching, there are many other facets to coaching.
I welcome you to my thoughts and hope that you enjoy the journey as I unveil a little bit more about what exactly coaching entails and discuss why I feel that this profession is truly my calling.
I use this question as the foundation for my first blog post and a series of others that will follow. Using the text "Mentor" as the foundation for my introduction into the blogosphere, I will investigate the differences and similarities between coaching and mentoring in an attempt to better define my role in aiding my fellow spouses in finding fulfilling careers. Essentially, I believe that a coach is more of a facilitator or guide for others than a mentor to others. While some of the principles of being an effective mentor are certainly applicable to career coaching, there are many other facets to coaching.
I welcome you to my thoughts and hope that you enjoy the journey as I unveil a little bit more about what exactly coaching entails and discuss why I feel that this profession is truly my calling.
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