I Always Thought Interrupting was Rude.....

but alas, in the world of coaching, interruption may be a very useful and necessary skill to use. That's right, I wrote "skill"! It is important for mentors, and of course coaches, to know that interrupting a protege or client is beneficial to facilitate the learner's growth.

In the book Mentor, Daloz interrupts his students on several occasions when they seemed to get lost in their own thoughts or are unable to make sense of their direction. The reason interrupting is important is that the coach or mentor is often able to observe and recognize the client's desired direction before the client can. While it may sound strange and feel awkward at times for the coach, it is crucial for mentors to express what they are observing at key moments in order to facilitate the client's growth. Sometimes we, as students (and yes, I am a lifelong learner and will always call myself a student of some form of study or another), are so lost in our own thoughts we have a hard time being jolted from them. A strategically-placed interruption is often a respite from our whirlwind thoughts, providing momentary clarity and the opportunity to come back into the present moment.

When to ask the Who's, What's, When's and Where's

An important skill for coaches and mentors to develop is knowing the appropriate time to ask the appropriate questions to facilitate growth in a client or protege. The complexity of this skill, referred to as probing questioning, is marked by the complex differences between every individual.

Daloz illustrates his ability to ask strategically-selected probing questions in every story he shares. As he recaps where each of his students are in their transformational journey in education, it is clear he is aware of students' confusion or discomfort, regardless of whether the student is. Daloz takes risks by asking questions that may cause the student further discomfort, knowing that the goal is to foster the student's individual growth.

Daloz demonstrates that questioning is never the same for any two conversations. He also eloquently asks the questions in the form of dialogue and not of interrogation. In much the same way, a coach must know when to acknowledge that a client may need to look at a subject in a new way. Oftentimes the simplest questions can hold the most insight for us. This stems from the fact that we, as students or clients, are often so close to our daily lives, so entrenched in the rigors and immersed in the routines, that we have difficulty stepping outside of it to see the bigger picture. It is often by way of an outside source that we can be asked the simple "Who, what, whens and wheres" that open our eyes. One of the simplest, but most eye-opening questions a coach asked me when I first began my coaching certification was, "What does success look like for you?"


Have you ever been asked a question that instantly changed the way you looked at a problem? Please feel free to share!

I hear you, but what did you say?

Have you ever spoken to someone who said one thing, but you sensed was feeling a completely different way? When people speak, are you really listening?

Daloz demonstrates numerous occasions of this skill, referred to in coaching as active listening. This means listening at a deeper level than just the words our ears hear. In person, he has the ability to observe body language as well as the tone or hesitation in his protege's voice. Because coaching is typically conducted over the phone, there lacks the ability to pick up on nonverbal cues. Nevertheless, coaches are practiced in sensing what a person is saying beyond the words that are spoken. A subtle quiver in the voice or hesitation can say a lot more than just the words. Coaches are trained to pick up on the natural energy a person unconsciously exhibits when speaking of a matter that he or she is passionate about. To me, Daloz is a coach because he lets us, the readers, in on the cues he picks up on. Additionally, he doesn't let these cues pass by unnoticed because if he did, there would be no transformation in his students. In one particular conversation, Daloz speaks to a young woman who is uncomfortable with a class that challenges her belief system. She answers questions Daloz asks (that are designed to make her think more about her beliefs) with responses about the teacher's style of instruction. Daloz notices that this student is not used to expressing how she feels and in turn responds to probing questions by talking about the teacher. It takes a very trained ear to be able to hear what is just under the surface or what may be buried below our insecurities.

Some people are naturally better at active listening. If you've ever had your "gut" tell you something, you know what active listening feels like. It is a sense or feeling that many call a "gut feeling" or that women sometimes refer to as "women's intuition". If you struggle with being able to "read" people, think about it another way. Have you ever said something but deep down felt completely different? Perhaps at a work function you feel anxious and nervous, but you try to mask your jitters with a smile and firm handshake, or instead trying to be strong for a friend who needs support even though you are worried for or about them.

What has active listening been like for you? What did that gut feeling actually feel like for you?